Doing Time Together

The end of the year is near and I told myself I wouldn't carry this into 2018. It took several weeks of prayer, a week of pumping myself up, and another week of repeated rehearsals in my head before I finally just picked up the phone and did it. "Mom, where's Daddy? I need to talk to you two about something." The entire thing was like an outer body experience. I remember being in the middle of a sentence, my mouth moving, and words coming out, but in my head I was saying to myself, "I'm doing it. There's no turning back. Was this a mistake? Am I sure?" I was already in the middle of it by that point so I had no choice but to keep going. I unloaded everything. How I spent this entire year visiting three different prisons (update: he was shipped away to his new facility which ended up being just three hours away. Thank you, Lord!). Why he's there, how he got there, even his previous time served and the charge from that case. I shared the am...

He's moving. We learned tonight that he will be shipped out two days from now. He prepared me for this so I'm ready. Nervous, but ready. Tomorrow we find out where his final location will be for him to complete his time. Then on Thursday is the official start of his seven year bid. The nervousness right now is not knowing where he'll be placed. There are probably two dozen or more prisons across the state and he can be shipped to any one of them. He can be as close as 45 minutes away or as far as eight hours away. We don't know. But we've stayed prayed up and we've prepared ourselves for the change. He's nervous. I can hear it in his voice. Tonight is one of those nights where I have to be the strong one. I emphasized focusing on a positive outcome and the faster we get this ball rolling, the faster he can get back home. Then we prayed. We thanked God for first of all keeping him to this point. Protecting him and keeping his mind throughout this process....

I saw him today. Originally this was supposed to be his sister's weekend to go, but she was a little under the weather and told me I could take it. Each jail has different rules for visiting. Before sentencing took place and he was in a county facility, we could visit as many times as we wanted so long as they were during the set visiting hours. I can't remember the exact days, but I remember the hours were something like 7 to 10 PM. Visits were one hour each. Now we're in state. However many Sundays there are in the month, that's how many visits he's allowed to have that month. Typically that's four, but October happens to be one of those rare months with five so we get to visit five times. All of this requires constant communication between me and his family to ensure we spread the visits out and that the time spent with him is fair and balanced. We all love him and want to make sure he's alright so five visits a month have to be planned very carefully a...

All day today I've missed him. From the time I woke up until now, at 9:25 PM, I've missed him. I'm not sad, I'm not lonely. I simply miss him. It's not uncommon that he'll cross my mind throughout the day and I'll say a quick prayer to myself. Lord watch over him. Keep him and protect him. Tonight I felt somewhat selfish for missing him the way that I did. I felt selfish wanting this to be over so he can be home with me. His circumstances and his environment were brought to my remembrance. This man is in prison. I speak to him everyday and I'm the closest person to him, but I still have NO idea the full reality of what he is dealing with in there: mentally, emotionally, or physically. So tonight I started to pray. Father, please keep him. Lord, we know that your will is perfect. He is your son and you have a plan for each and every one of us. Help me to set myself aside to see him and these circumstances through your eyes. Lord, fill him with you...

All we have as means of communication are monthly visits which are 6 days a month, telephone calls that are limited to 15 minutes a call, and emails that are allowed once for an hour a day. Every time we speak we have to make it count. Meaning that we have to try and lift the other up as much as possible in the limited time we have. There is no time for words other than those of affection and words that motivate and encourage. Sometimes we just listen when one of us just needs to be heard. I often overhear how other inmates speak to women and it's always filled with disrespect. I say to myself that I will not let this be us. I always ask God to enable us to communicate clearly and respectfully with each other. I ask God to give us words that build each other up and not tear each other down. She and I both compromised our defenses to allow the other to enter into our hearts, minds, and souls. For her, letting down her defensive walls was extremely difficult to do. She called it he...

I can literally lay in my bunk, stare at her picture and think about her all day. If I could, I would miss every meal and give up every chance to go to the yard just to be on the phone with her. I need to hear her voice at the least if I can't see her on a visit. And even when she does visit me, I'm right on the phone 15 minutes after the visit is over when she leaves despite the fact that we had just spent 6 hours together in the visiting room. One thing is for sure though, I am writing her everyday regardless of our phone time. She has to receive at least 2 letters a week from me on a regular basis. All of this simply because I am in love with her. Loving her from here can definitely consume my entire bid. And my entire life if I let it. Loving her from here is easy as long as I keep my trust in the Lord and I continuously pray for us to GOD to enable us to love each other according to His word. The devil is relentless and he constantly tries to play on my emotions while I...